I Was a Sponsor

Like many others, I was a sponsor. When I did something good, I expect good back. Until, I had a taste of my own medicine.

Its like, most parents who expects their children to be somebody when they grow up or to pay back all those years they took care of them. I too, am guilty; I constantly claim that Ashten (older) will be a lawyer and Jordan (younger) a doctor. For what? For my own ego and pride, so that people will say I have done a great job. But who gets the pressure?



Ponder on this

If you train your child well (Bluntly, if you have done your homework properly) you do not have to worry about whether they are appreciative or doubt their integrity. You will know your child attributes and you do not need another person approval of what they think of them.

Parents often unknowingly place this guilt trip. The common phase "After all I have done for you..."

In return, we expect to have a SAY in our children's life (I mean when they are adults), we want them to listen and respect us because after all, we have done so much.

Sponsors

Aren't we like sponsor of an event? My sponsors expect their company's branding on banners and the emcee to thank their efforts when doing his closing. They expect power, recognition and credits. But that's fine, its business.

Friends

For Christmas, I was given an expensive dinner and I wanted to buy a gift of the same value back. Then S, (my darling girlfriend) snapped "You don't have to be so calculative, now you are not working just let me pay, why must you always make sure you repay good with good"?

That made sense to me, I was like she is my closest friend for donkey years, we know we never had the intention to take advantage of one another, why cause myself this kind of unnecessary stress. In other words, she was telling me I do not have to prove to her.

G (Emcee)

G was my regular emcee for 04 years. Every year, he would probably profit about 30k from the shows. His fees are not exactly affordable, but because I know his financial difficulties, I do my best to recommend him. When preparing payments, I will make sure he is the first to receive. However, he has never once treated me for a meal or even a cup of tea, the bill will automatically be directed to me. Even when he met my sister for dinner (my sister was not working then), she had to pay for his dinner. I was hopping mad; I wanted to tell him off. Now, I am glad I didn't.

Doing Good

So I have learned, when you want to do good, make sure it comes from the heart, if not it is worthless. If you constantly expect someone to repay you, you have an 80% chance to be disappointed.

Mother Teresa

Browsing through her biography, I am amazed what a big hearted woman she was. She started with nothing, just a pure heart to love mankind. Later on in life, she received a Nobel Prize, recognition, some folks even worship her. But did she take advantage of that? Never, she continued to love people till the day she passed on.

The Special People

I would like to acknowledge a few people who are special to me.

My Family

Especially my step-father Raymond who even though I am not used to calling Daddy, he has always been there to do the silliest things for me. Buy food, fix my glasses and fetch me here and there...

My Husband

Mark, who helped me to run my business by doing those "Unglam" jobs, like being my chauffeur for meetings, faxing, scanning and printing of documents, assisting me in my events (E.g. tie balloons to chairs) While doing that for an event, he said "I am a graduate in Physics and a manager of an MNC company, why am I doing this"? Honey, thank you.

My Jewels

I hope this blog will still be active when they are older to read. I love you very much Ashten & Jordan and thank you for bringing me so much love and joy. You have encouraged me to treasure life and aim to become a better person.

My Friends

Thank you for being there for me especially last year when I had my lowest moments. You guys and gals brought me so much laughter while having to endure my nonsense.

With Love,

Mich

The Big 30

During a birthday bash, I overheard a woman said to another. "When you are 20, you want fun, you want many friends, you are lost, confused, you want people to like you and you suffer from identity crisis. When you reach 30, you begin to achieve your goals, you care less of what others think of you, you speak your mind. When you are 40 like me, you know who you are and being sure of yourself you ignore those who speak or think poorly of you."

That struck me, I used to be very wary and concern of what others think of me. Like "Oh no, she didn't reply my sms", "Oh dear, he is looking at me in a funny way", "Why didn't he reply me, did I say something wrong"?, "I better buy her back a gift of the same value", "Does she think I am stingy"?

Now I am almost 30, naturally I am beginning to speak my mind (That is why at age 28 I just starting blogging) and gaining confidence in myself. I adopt a "care-less", can't be bothered attitude. I become a little tactless and straight forward in my message. I become myself...

E.g. Recently, I stated my concern with a veteran in the Events Industry. I am sure in his mind he must be thinking "Hello, young girl, how many years have you been around". But I really couldn't be bothered. You know in events, you can NEVER assume the other party knows, you have to be crystal clear in your message and your expectations.

I think it is pride when one thinks like this "Don't teach me what to do, I was eating rice when your mum was still breast-feeding you"

A few months ago, my mum was telling me, don't post this and that in your facebook, you are a mother now, you have to be proper, what will relatives think of you? (The video I posted was titled Naked Edmund, and it was just a fun video, nothing immoral was shown.) I was like "Mum, I am just being myself, having fun with my good friends, if relatives what to judge me, that means they do not know me well, then so be it"

Money do grow on trees

Do people want Money as their best friend?

I love material things such as diamonds, branded stuff and pleasures like spa treats. But why does one derive that Singaporean girls who enjoy such things want to hook up a sugar daddy?

My husband often says I do not know the value of money. If I drop S$1 coin on the street I won't pick it up. If I have a heavy load of groceries in my trolley I will not take back my S$1. When I lost my pricey watch, I heart pain for awhile and that's it!

In Michelle's world, we believe money that is lost can be gain back. Material things are just things, you can't bring it to your grave.

God knows, I have never loved money. (Money is not evil, the love of money is)

I have sort after power and recognition, but never money. I do not think day and night of becoming rich, or envy another lady's Rolex. I have never prayed that I will marry a rich man's son, drive a Mercs or stay in a 10 room house. (Definitely I am no angel, at times I do care what others think of me. I am still trying to change that part. )

All my life (I sound damn old), I just embrace one school of thought, when you are afraid to be broke, you will be.

So don't expect rain, never say we have to save money for rainy days, if you do, everything in you expects a rainy day, and it will come.

True Story

I knew a multi-millionaire who is extremely thrifty. Even when he turns on the tap, he will turn it to the minimum (just a thin line of water). Knowing he was about to die, he wanted to stay on the highest floor in Westin Hotel. (Which in normal circumstances, he will not spend that kind of money) His house is like a 1920 historical museum. His children have been trained the same. His elder son, wears the same watch since he was in school, now he is 38.

Anyway, having all that money he never enjoy one bit of it, he wanted to be ready for "that" rainy day. He died at a young age, not enjoying much of his wealth. Did he lead a comfortable and happy life? With all his $$$, he could have enjoyed it while he had a healthy body.

Because Of Money

Because of money people wish on others harm or ill.

And because of money people others do injure or kill.

And because of money great friendships have come to an end.

And money can make you an enemy or make you a friend.

To those with the power of money respect we do pay.

And money speaks every language some are known to say.

And those with the most money great power do command.

That is something that is not hard to understand.

Those with heaps of money enjoy the good life.

The millionaire in his seventies has a twenty two year old wife.

With brown hair to her shoulders and lovely to behold She would not be with him if he were poor and old.

But because of his money with him she will stay.

Money speaks every language that's life as some say.

Francis Duggan

Events & my dreams

Here, I tell about how the events industry has mold me.

At age 18, I landed myself in a difficult and striving business. EVENTS MANAGEMENT. Clients saw me as a young girl, wet behind her ears, my colleagues used me to run silly errands for them, my boss was angry with me almost everyday for the mistakes I committed.

At 21, I decided events is not for me, I felt that I was doing a degrading job (folks say its a glamorous job, glamour my a***). I took up a job in a wine pub, my title position was Marketing Manager. I was drawing like 2.5k a month. What a nice designation yeah? But I was washing dishes, mopping the floor and serving clients. Occasionally, I organised events for the pub. That kept me going for 01 year.

Events was like a bad boyfriend, I knew if I went back to him, I will suffer. But no matter what, it was my first love, my heart beat every time I had a project on hand.

Then one day I threw the white towel at my boss (I may not have a PHD, but that was wasting my youth) I decided to work in a video production company. Knowing I was young and had no experience at that time, the boss (Let's call him NL) took advantage and paid me S$500 monthly. He expected me to bring in at least 5k a month. Not a bad buy when you pay people peanuts. (No wonder he got me, a monkey)

In Short, NL was a unkind man (And still is, after engaging myself in some gossips with those from the same industry) and once he shouted at me that I will never achieve anything in life. Adding to the abuse, he said companies will only employ me because of my looks. Which I think he meant himself, at that time he was in adultery. (Excuse me, I am not indicating that I am some hot chick, but relating what he said. Oh, by the way, even his company name has a sexual meaning to it)

That one liner hurt me deeply, (It was like he slammed my confidence rock down and I could not stand up again) I told myself "What the heck, just listen to my friends, work for my mum as a beautician, boring but at least I don't get this kind of insults"

Somehow deep inside me, a little small voice was encouraging me to go on. One fine day, a kind investor asked me to start my own events company. With just 3k, I decided give a try. I never expected it to last for 4 years. The very first day I started my business, I gave the business to my Heavenly Daddy and said "Nah, its yours, I cannot do it on my own" Along the way there were many hiccups, mostly I am the one who caused it...



But I just continued to preserver, I refused to work for anyone, I was sick and tired of being treated like a piece of rag. Months and years passed, big and small jobs just seem to fall from the sky. I was earning much more than what those bosses were paying me.


The biggest show I did was for 1000 pax for a technology company. Even though I should give credit to God, I still feel proud somehow, because for the timeline and the size, I did it all alone with a little help from my part-time staff.(I am human after all, to say I don't feel a little proud is a lie)

I profited 18k from that event. I so wanted to go back to NL and throw the credit note to him and say "When was the last time you earned this much"? Months passed, I was very comfortable with the profits. I bought branded bags, shoes, jewellery and patronise expensive restaurants. I never once stepped in a food court (oh maybe once or twice). Even having tea time alone, it has to be in some restaurant.


Sometimes, when I was bored I will just pop by a jewellery shop and buy some ring or pendant just for fun. shh..... nobody knew about it, not even my bf at that time.

(Some clients were real nasty, but many were nice, for those who entrusted their events in En & Eden, I would like to thank you for believing in me) btw, En in Chinese means gratitude and Eden means perfection in my own way.

I am ashamed to say this, but this pride thingy arose in me, that I was doing better than the 02 bosses I had. One we all know is the nose-high NL, and another is a dishonest lady boss from some video production company. But I know in my heart of hearts, the big guy up there helped me, because Michelle could have never achieved all these. (but you see, people don't know, they think its because I am smart :)

(Now, I do not detest NL or the lady boss, in fact, I should thank them for being a great part of En & Eden's success. Without them, I would probably still be flat on the ground)

In October 2006, all these became worthless to me. After my opt, I had no desire for any material pleasures or to prove to all who looked down on me, that I have become victorious.

This emptiness filled me, nothing could have made me happy. Not the exotic restaurants, not the LV bag on my shoulder, not the "bling bling" on my finger. I wondered what is this horrible feeling. Then I begin to look at families in malls, children arguing with their parents, parents scolding their children, babies smiling, babies crying. There and then, I knew what I wanted.. A complete family.



I never like children or worst, babies. Every time when a proud parent comes to me and ask me to play with their child, I would pretend to find them cute or amusing. But in my mind I would be cursing "Spoilt child, why cant parents discipline their kids these days"




Now I have 02 active and noisy boys, Ashten & Jordan I love them like mad. I may not be an ideal parent, but I know that I would literally give my life to them. (A little morbid I know) They are my fresh air and water.


Material goods, proving myself or gaining power is no longer important to me. I threw away my dream to become the biggest female dominated events company in Singapore. My family (Including you, Mark Jajurie, yes I have not forgotten about you) is my pride and joy, and nothing in this world can exchange that.

I used to think people who blog a little "bo liao" but here I am doing it, and it feels kinda good...


And those of you who have been reading and cannot stand my grammar, please feel free to correct.







With Love,













Michelle Eden Jajurie